Are We Forgetting How to Enjoy Being Human?
When was the last time you did something simply for the pleasure of it, without wondering whether it was good for your health, improved your productivity or made you a better version of yourself?
I’m thinking of the first coffee of the morning, cooking dinner with music playing, a meal that stretches into an entire afternoon or a conversation so enjoyable that nobody bothers checking the time.
I’ve been thinking about these ordinary pleasures lately, particularly how easily they become overlooked in a culture increasingly preoccupied with self-improvement.
We measure our sleep, track our steps, optimise our routines and use technology to help us manage almost every aspect of daily life. Much of this is useful, and as a cyberpsychologist, I’m fascinated by how digital technology and artificial intelligence are changing the way we live.
But amid all this attention to living better, I think we’ve neglected something rather important: the intelligence of pleasure.
Pleasure Is Intelligence
We’ve developed a curious habit of treating pleasure as a reward, something we allow ourselves once the work is finished, the responsibilities are met and we’ve done enough to deserve it.
Even wellbeing has become another area of performance, with recovery to measure, mindfulness to schedule and relaxation occasionally approached as though it were an assignment.
Yet pleasure plays a much richer role in human life than simply making us feel good.
Psychology distinguishes between hedonic wellbeing, associated with enjoyment and satisfaction, and eudaimonic wellbeing, concerned with meaning and purpose. In everyday life, these experiences frequently overlap.
Think about cooking for someone you love. There’s pleasure in the aromas, textures and anticipation, but also in the creativity of preparing something, the memories it evokes and the connection of sharing it.
Our capacity for pleasure is closely connected to how we learn, remember, form relationships and recognise experiences that matter to us. Enjoyment can encourage curiosity, deepen engagement and draw us towards activities and people we value.
When I say pleasure is intelligence, I’m talking about our ability to notice, interpret and respond to what makes life feel meaningful and enjoyable, rather than dismissing those experiences as frivolous.
It’s a form of human awareness worth cultivating.
The Pleasure of Everyday Rituals
I’ve always been fascinated by rituals, particularly the small ones that quietly shape our days. A favourite cup, Sunday lunch, a familiar walk or the way we welcome friends into our homes can carry an extraordinary amount of emotional meaning.
Research suggests that rituals can influence emotion, connection and our sense of stability, while repetition and familiarity can make ordinary experiences personally significant.
There’s also the question of attention.
A cup of tea can disappear while we’re answering emails, or become a few enjoyable minutes in which we notice its warmth, flavour and familiarity.
The tea hasn’t changed, our experience of it has.
I find this especially interesting in a hyperconnected world, where so much competes for our attention.
We discover restaurants through Instagram, photograph meals before tasting them, record concerts and document holidays, often moving between experiencing something and sharing it without noticing the transition.
Research into photography and memory suggests that documenting an experience can sometimes deepen our engagement and sometimes distract us, depending on how we’re paying attention.
Technology is part of our lives, and it can enrich them enormously. But it also changes how we anticipate, experience and remember pleasure.
Are We Stimulated or Satisfied?
We have more opportunities for entertainment, discovery and stimulation than ever before, with another recommendation, video or interesting possibility always a swipe away.
Psychology distinguishes between wanting and liking, recognising that the motivation to pursue something isn’t necessarily the same as the pleasure of experiencing it.
It’s a distinction worth considering when we’re surrounded by digital environments designed to keep us exploring what comes next.
I’m optimistic about the possibilities technology offers, including AI tools that help us create, learn and discover new interests. Yet I also value the pleasure of finding something unexpectedly, making a meal from scratch, learning through trial and error or allowing an afternoon to unfold without much of a plan.
Some of our most satisfying experiences involve participation, curiosity and connection, things that aren’t always improved by making them faster or more efficient.
And food, for me, remains a wonderful example. The pleasure of a meal begins long before the first bite, through memory, anticipation, smell, texture and the people around the table. Research into multisensory perception shows just how much our enjoyment is shaped by the senses and the surrounding experience.
Food is one of the ways we can begin to understand the broader psychology of being human.
Learning to Enjoy Being Human
I don’t believe living well requires us to reject technology, abandon ambition or turn every ordinary moment into a mindfulness practice.
Life is complicated, and pleasure isn’t always available to us in equal measure.
But I do think we could become more curious about what genuinely brings us satisfaction, how our daily rituals shape our experiences and what our capacity for enjoyment tells us about ourselves.
We have become very good at collecting information about how we live. I’d like us to become equally interested in how we experience living.
Pleasure is intelligence. Learning to recognise it may be one of the more interesting ways we can learn about being human.
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